If I Loved You
by Raven Sage
Summary: Two people are in for a great suprise the night of the Gala


Disclaimer: I have taken it upon my self to write the missing episode in Voyager, one day this will be a movie and until that day comes I don't own any of the characters, Paramount does (movies hahaha please) Oh well I will dream on. Oh yeah could I take Braga's place!?!?!?! I don't request much money because I'm still in school that's why I have so much time to do this!  
  
A/N: I have accidentally taken it upon myself to make this story a little bit of everything. Its got a bunch of POV (point of view) * no I'm not insulting your intelligence but it took me months to get that one*there's some dialogue and there's a song, the title should be an obvious hint * cough * And it's a one shot dum dum dum let me tell you one shots are really super duper hard and since I have no school until August I said hey what the heck and went on and challenged myself. Excuse my spelling and grammar but this story is 7,073 long so I only read it over once. Enjoy!  
  
  
  
I had hoped I had done the right thing. Even if I didn't at least he'll know the truth. If this is what I've wanted all these years, if I have wanted him to know all these years then why does it feel so bad, why do I feel so miserable? Why? Have you forgotten Kathryn? He's with Seven now that's why, and its all your fault. Damned protocols is what you wish to say but face it, it was you the whole time so if you're going to damn anything or anyone it might as well be yourself. I picked up the closest thing to me and smashed it against the mirror. Shut up I roared, shut up. Eventually the tears came and I had to take a seat by the bathtub to compose myself. Eventually the tears stopped and I washed my face hoping that the crew wouldn't see my tears as I triumphantly walk down the halls, as I triumphantly walk off of a ship that for the first time in seven years is in the alpha quadrant, a ship that is home. It's what I've been striving for and I've finally achieved it but the huge anticlimax, everything has it's downside and I've found this one. Some times I swear love is out there to screw me over and as sure as hell it keeps coming back again and again. Death? Thought about it. Consider it? No, not after seven years of hell only to end back there. But the past seven years haven't all been hell. They've been everything, maybe a little hell came with the package but it was enjoyable, I've formed a second family. But then again there's that anticlimax. I sigh and straighten up, to hell with Chakotay I whisper, to hell with love. I didn't need it for seven years and I don't need it now. Suck it up and walk out there, you have no right to be Kathryn you're only job is to be Janeway, Captain Janeway. Smile a bit laugh a bit and dance a bit and when this is over you can be who ever you want to be and you can enjoy the solitude of your new apartment the Admiral had offered. Captain… I'm a Captain not just any Captain but THE Captain, so act like it, heart of steal, cold and empty. Eventually I pick myself off the bathroom floor. I walk to my bedroom and collect my bags and put them in the living room leaving only behind the dress I have to wear tonight with a few other items that will help me prepare for the Gala. I leave for the Mess Hall and as I walk past his door a bit of me hopes, hopes that he understands. And once again I take a last look at the other half of my soul's quarters. Yes Kathryn you admitted it, the other half of your soul.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
I pondered this issue many times and each time I come up with the same answer. I have used the Commander. It was selfish of me but I did. Only to find out that I used him for practice, and still it amazed me to know whom I was practicing for. The Doctor. When I get deeper into the subject I see it. The Doctor told me that opposites attract so I explored that phrase; all I got was an empty feeling that I tried to fill with smiles and kisses. But none of them were real. And when I walk past sickbay I understand why. I have feelings for the Doctor. He is my opposite, but then again we share many of the same qualities and after my calculations I came to find that it is that which makes a perfect relationship. The doctor had told me many times that perfect does not exist. But I do believe that the Doctor and myself are as they say 'Perfect for each other'. I sigh, my miscalculations caused four other people on the ship pain, the Doctor, the Commander, The Captain, and myself. Love is relevant but quick calculations are insufficient. Pain should be irrelevant when it comes to love but it is not, and it seems that I have… learned the hard way and I have taken other people with me on this painful ride. I am embarrassed because I've come to the conclusion that sometimes my logic can also be flawed. I walk out of the cargo bay with what dignity I have left and start to choose my words for my encounter to be with the doctor. I will make it up to those people I have hurt.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
"I don't care as long as I'm within transporter range or you." I had said that to Kathryn right? I went to be every night and dreamt hoping that I had said those words to Kathryn. But I hadn't I had said them to Seven. Those words, those kisses, those embraces they were all Kathryn's, all of it hers. She owns my heart; she owns the other half of my soul. And instead of going to her to get it back I went to Seven leaving me with an even emptier space. How do I crawl back to her, if I did would she take me back? I have to tell Seven and I'm sure she'll understand. I'm going to half to come back to Kathryn on my knees. I grin, on my knees.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
If a hologram could do any of the following I'd eat, breathe, and sleep Seven. Seven… I repeat the name over and over again and it stings. Like a knife being plunged into my holographic heart repeatedly to make sure it hasn't missed a spot. I was her mentor but soon I felt like more than that. And I had found out the painful way, the answer to a question that I already had answered but just ignored. The relationship was far from mutual. Sometimes I even questioned if I was her friend. She had said it a few times but with Seven things could change fast, awfully fast. Seven… I tried as hard as I could to make it obvious to you without the specific words only because I was afraid of this, its not exactly rejection but I do believe it is close. Maybe if we had gotten to lesson 45 I would have said it then. It would have been quick and swift and maybe you would have kissed me. But you skipped over all of it. You skipped over my heart but you still managed to hurt it.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
I ran down the corridor trying as fast as I could to get to my quarters. I had to get there and replicate the ring using whatever rations I have left. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't notice Seven in the hallway. Fortunately she noticed me and quickly brought me out of my thoughts before I ran into her. When I saw her I knew what I had to say.  
  
"Seven I have something to tell you."  
  
"As do I."  
  
"You first Seven."  
  
"It is proper to let you go first since you were the first to speak."  
  
"Seven really, go head."  
  
"Commander you first." Chakotay shook his head. The sentence that came out shocked them both.  
  
"I'm in love with the doctor, I'm in love with The Captain." It was one sentence but it came from to different people and two different thoughts.  
  
"Your in love with the doctor? Your in love with the captain?" it happened again.  
  
"That is a pleasant surprise. I'm glad to know that." Chakotay shook his head and held up his hand trying to space the sentences.  
  
"So your not angry with me." Seven shook her head.  
  
"No, as I have concluded you are not angry with me either." Chakotay grinned.  
  
"I wish you luck," Seven raised her eyebrow.  
  
"I don not believe I am in need of luck?"  
  
'Well then Seven I wish you love."  
  
"As do I Commander." Chakotay started down the halls again on his way to his replicator.  
  
When I got to my room my doubts had almost engulfed me. I was swallowed up by doubt. What if she said no? Where would that leave me? I walked into my quarters. There I saw a PADD on my coffee table and it was addressed to me. When I read it I saw that it was a recording. I played it and what I heard touched me. It was an old Broadway song one that I haven't heard in along time ever since I took music at the academy. It was the original song but I had a message attached to it and it had answered my doubts, I was no longer afraid. I was overjoyed.  
  
  
  
(=/\=)  
  
* Carousel * * Play & music by Rodgers and Hammerstein * I think  
  
* If I loved you *  
  
If I loved you  
  
Time and again I would try to say  
  
All I'd want you to know  
  
If I loved you  
  
Words wouldn't come in an easy way  
  
Round in circles I'd go  
  
Longing to tell you, but afraid and shy.  
  
I'd let my golden chances pass me by.  
  
Soon you'd leave me.  
  
Off you would go in the mist of day.  
  
Never, never to know,  
  
How I loved you, if I loved you…  
  
Longing to tell you, but afraid and shy  
  
I'd let my golden chances pass me by  
  
Soon you'd leave me.  
  
Off you would go in the mist of day  
  
Never, never to know  
  
If I loved you  
  
If I loved you  
  
Dear Chakotay, I hope this song has said it all. I really don't have much to say because as the song stated I don't know what to say because I'm scared, I'm scared of rejection. But somehow I'll get over it, I always do. I wish you a happy life with Seven. Enjoy.  
  
- Kathryn  
  
I sighed, I had caused her a lot of pain, I hoped that what I was about to do at the party would help. But she was going to have to hold on till then and for someone going through that a little while can still be hell, I know from experience.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
I was sitting in my ready room when the door chime went off. I whispered come in. And the person who walked in was exactly who I was hoping she didn't have to see until later that night but knowing him it was impossible. I sighed and ran my hands threw my hair and smiled. Fake maybe, but ever since he had been with Seven he couldn't read me as well.  
  
"Hey Kathryn, I needed your opinion on something before I go back to my quarters and change." I didn't know what to think, I was more than happy that he hadn't been in his quarters yet, god I was relieved.  
  
"Sure" I said cheerfully, I should have been in theater. This was all to easy for me, I wonder if there's something wrong with that. Chakotay took out a box, a little black one. No I thought, he can't but he was though. He was going to purpose to seven, that asshole coming to me for approval, that was him alright. Chakotay took a knee and held out the box.  
  
"Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway, You've been the other half of my soul for seven years, you've been there for me more than I have ever been there for you. You're the only one that can truly make me smile and make me happy. I took me along time to figure this out but now I think I have it, Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway will you marry me?" I almost cried, Seven was really going to like this whole prosing thing, the speech was wonderful I knew he changed it around a bit to make it more realistic for me but I couldn't help but we whisked away in it for a few seconds. I took a deep breath and answered him truthfully.  
  
"Seven will love it." * Chakotay * I felt like laughing. This speech for Seven you've got to be kidding, I used Kathryn's name, the number of years, everything and still she doesn't get it. She'll be even more surprised when we get to the dinner.  
  
"Thanks Kathryn, that's just what I wanted to hear." He grinned.  
  
"So… what are your plans for when you get back to earth?"  
  
"Well I'd like to have the wedding in San Francisco before the crew spreads out. And after a while I'd like to settle somewhere quiet, start a family. Maybe I'll try Indiana like you suggested." I grimaced; I hope it wasn't as noticeable to him as it was to me. I had made the Indiana suggestion years ago on a whim that by the time we got back to earth I would be me and him living there, not him and someone else. Sometimes I think he does this to torture me.  
  
"Well I'd attend the wedding then probably head out to Indiana to see my family then head back to San Francisco and take Admiral Paris's offer on a little apartment he has out there for me. Not much but then again I'd be living alone so I wouldn't need it." Living alone, I ruminated the phrase until it started to scare me. I looked at the clock.  
  
"It's time to get ready for the gala." He smiled and nodded. We both walked to our quarters in silence. When we got to my door I offered him what I could, he might be proposing to Seven but friendship is friendship.  
  
"Good luck." I rushed into my quarters before the tears could drop, before I lost my bearing.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
I changed out of my regular clothing and put something else on, the Captain suggested it for the Gala. I put it on knowing she would like it. It was a simple black dress. It was long of course seeing how other wise it would have been unbefitting of me. I also put on the replicated heels as they call it because it supposedly compliments the dress. I also put something else on, something the Captain called makeup. She quickly taught me how to apply it. She gave me something called eye shadow and lipstick. I willingly put on the metallic eye shadow and the red lipstick. As I look in the mirror I feel a good feeling, it's hard to explain but it makes me feel nice. I think I like the way I look.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
I walk into the cargo bay I can't wait to see Seven. I made it my personal project to prepare her for this Gala so it's only right that I get to enjoy seeing her before everyone else. As soon as the doors opened I was paralyzed, she was so beautiful, and I felt proud as if I was a mother sending her daughter to the prom. I was overwhelmed with feelings and I hate to admit it but I cried.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
I felt frozen, like the time when a vital implant that controlled my movement failed and I couldn't walk for a day until the doctor healed me. That's what it felt like. I never imagined that she could transform so. But now I know that what I thought was irrelevant, she could and she did. Her hair was done like I do my own except for the fact that I had my down for tonight. She wore a red dress that seemed to fan out like in layers. White gloves that came up to her elbows, around her neck was a pearl necklace which accented the white gloves. She had accomplished what I have been striving for years to obtain in one night, complete and utter perfection. After what felt like hours she approached me. She held her dress with two hands to aid her in her glide. When she reached me she wiped the tears from her eyes and spoke.  
  
"You look beautiful seven."  
  
"As… as do you Captain." I stammered for reasons that are unexplainable.  
  
"A mother can only hope to see these days, live long enough to see them. And I feel honored to be here in your mother's place. Because to be honest Seven, in your own way you are very much my daughter. I have watched you grow and you've mesmerized me you've become much more that I though you could have and yet your still learning as far as you've come you still have far to go. I feel your pain and I feel your happiness, I'd like to think of you in every way possible that I am your mother. And speaking on behalf of that side of me I am very proud Seven of the woman that I know today." Her tears flowed as if it was natural, and that's exactly how I feel. It didn't not confuse me or make me feel uneasy. It… it made me feel loved. I Seven of Nine am truly loved. And when I realized that for the first time one free tear trickled down my cheek.  
  
"Good luck." She said barely above a whisper. And the Captain… no Kathryn, my mother hugged me tightly and left the cargo bay. The mother that I have been looking for since I've gained my humanity is here on this ship. She's wearing a beautiful read dress with white gloves and a simple pearl necklace. Yes, that is my mother and she's been here all a long.  
  
I sigh deeply and act on my plan, the one that I've been forming since I've talked to the Commander. I hit my comm. Badge and take a deep breath.  
  
"Seven to sickbay, requesting emergency medical beam out." And a few seconds later I was lost in the bluish silver light.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
If holograms had hearts mine would have been beating out of my chest. It would break my heart to see Seven hurt and even more to see her later comforted by Commander Chakotay. If I had a religion I would have prayed, prayed to someone that she would be safe that she would be okay but how am I to meddle with those things, apparently to her I'm a lowly hologram with no feeling, but it isn't true. I have feelings no matter what anyone says, they're not just algorithms just used to make me more interactive no they're just as real as other bipeds emotions they're real. When Seven materialized I saw something that I haven't had the pleasure of seeing in months. Annika Hanson.  
  
"Seven are you alright?" She shook her head.  
  
"No doctor I am in pain."  
  
"What kind of pain are you suffering from Seven?"  
  
"It seems that I am as they say suffering from a 'broken heart' " My holographic heart suddenly raised back up to its original position. My hopes change to quickly; I can feel that I'll regret that later.  
  
"What about the Commander?" Seven shrugged.  
  
"The Commander is irrelevant." I shook my head.  
  
"Seven please wake me up from my dream, the longer I'm standing here listening to this the more its going to hurt when I wake up."  
  
"I'm sorry Doctor I can not do that." I want her to stop because this isn't happening, its not happening.  
  
"Why-why." I pled with her.  
  
"Because this is not a dream Doctor this is reality."  
  
"Why did you come here Seven Mmm why?" I close my eyes because these words sting more than me finding out about her and the Commander. They attacked open wounds.  
  
"For two reasons, I wanted to ask you to the Gala tonight." I think my mobile emitter melted.  
  
"Yes Seven, yes."  
  
"And secondly to give you something that you have long deserved." She approached me and drew me in close. Her eyes locked with mine for a few short seconds then we both closed them and kissed. They say you know a kiss is real when both people have their eyes closed. And I know that I'm just as human as I look because for those brief seconds my eyes had to close, I didn't think about it, it just happened. And if anyone in Starfleet would like to challenge that they can check my records. Holograms do not experience real feeling they say, then can they tell me that I didn't feel her lips brush against mine. They didn't feel her hot breath as I held her the moments after and they didn't here her whisper 'I love you' into my ears. And they didn't feel my heart race when I said "I love you" back.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
It was fifteen minutes into the party and I had finally located her. It was quite easy as soon as I had reached the right section of the room. I could recognize that Janeway smile from miles away. Kathryn is the splitting image of her mother. Her mother looked almost like the Admiral Janeway that had beamed on to their ship just a month ago. When having a first look at the woman I noticed where she had obtained all of her class. She was quite the charmer and I could tell just by watching her from a far. What I was about to do was going to be hard. How do you walk up to a woman that you've felt like you've known for seven years from memories and stories but she knows nothing about you and ask for her daughters hand in marriage. Exactly you don't, but I had to do it would only be right. I cleared my throat and casually interrupted her.  
  
"Excuse me Mr. and Mrs. Paris but I was wondering if I could steal this beautiful woman away for a second." Admiral Paris stared me down before he had finally come to a proper conclusion. Anyone who knew of Kathryn and my relationship would easily be able to tell what I was doing by watching what I was attempting to do. Gretchen Janeway gave a confused look to the admiral.  
  
"Owen?" She asked. He nodded and sighed.  
  
"He's a fine boy err man Gretchen." As I stood there Admiral Paris came up to me and whispered into my ear.  
  
"You know son, no matter what you are or what you say Kathryn is still my girl which would make you boy. Do I make myself clear?"  
  
"Crystal."  
  
"And if you hurt her so help me god you'll be out of Starfleet faster than Q can snap. Do you understand me?" Kathryn told me that her father never had much time for her so after a while admiral Paris became a father figure and after her father died it made him almost her father. She had said that she hoped he felt the same way and today I could swear to her that it was true, more than anyone would have thought.  
  
"I'm glad you've figured it out sir because I don't know what the crew might think if they saw me dancing with you." The Admiral chuckled softly.  
  
"You're a funny one, now I do believe you have someone to impress." I held out my hand.  
  
"Madam, would you care to dance?" She smiled a smile that reminded me of Kathryn.  
  
"It would be my pleasure…"  
  
"Amal Kotay but my friends call me Chakotay." I held in the laughter as one of her eyebrows shot up. If I can figure out Kathryn than I guess I have her whole family covered but then again who had ever come to understand her. I lead her to the dance floor. As I danced with her I spoke.  
  
"You know you have a wonderful daughter, and I have had the pleasure of serving under her for seven years, and now being here dancing with you had finally showed me where Kathryn gets all of her class, beauty, and intelligence. Even after al these years much of Kathryn is a mystery to me but meeting you has just solved half of it."  
  
"Well Mr. Chakotay I thank you this is truly flattering. But you read me well and I can sense that you know that I am going to be blunt with you. I think you know Kathryn more than you let on. Because you said exactly what ever mother wants to hear about her daughter from her future son in law." My mouth hung open.  
  
"Well I'll be dammed I do believe that I am an open book for all Janeway women to read." I said this to her as the dance came to an end.  
  
"Its legend has it that in this family all Janeway women can read their men like that and their men the same, the only problem with this gift is that its often misplaced as friendship but obviously it runs deeper than that. You should be privileged to know you were the first one to notice this as quickly as you did. It took Edward and I ten years to marry." I smile.  
  
"For the first time I've ever been proud to say seven years."  
  
"Well Chakotay thank you for the wonderful dance, and I hope I see you soon?"  
  
"Of course, even if this doesn't work out I think that you'll see me so much that you'll get sick of me."  
  
"Oh, so you haven't exactly told her?"  
  
"No I haven't and I intend to keep it that way." I winked at her and she smiled and nodded in understanding.  
  
"But if I may ask when do you plan to do this?" I smile, the special one with the dimples.  
  
"Right before the last dance." She padded me on the cheek  
  
"You're a keeper."  
  
"I hope I am."  
  
"You have my permission." I lead her back to her group and bow.  
  
"It has been a pleasure Madame Janeway."  
  
"I could say the same Commander." She smiled, Kathryn's one and I headed off.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
*Admiral Paris (POV)*  
  
I walked on stage an looked at the bright eyed crew happy to be reunited with their families as much as I was happy to be reunited with mine. I clear my throat and get the attention of the many people at the Gala. Next I press a button and a message starts playing on the view screen.  
  
"Seven long years, listening to barked orders. Having to listening to the repeated often to death Starfleet protocols 70,000 light years away from home. Listening to someone tell you that you would see earth again even when you didn't believe it. Seven years of hoping you'd live through the next day and if you were lucky enough to hoping you didn't meet the Death Glare, that's right I knew you named it."  
  
Laughs came from the crew.  
  
"Seven years of trusting someone who had occasionally let you down. Seven years of hell." The crowd hung their head in remembrance of old friends and old memories and old demons.  
  
"But seven years of pure exploration, fun, bonding, and much more. Seven years of learning and growing. And I like to think that this has only made us closer. And I am proud to say that I am one of few people to say that I have a second family with exactly 146 members and not only will I be able to say this truthfully but also beaming with pride. Ladies and gentlemen we've done it we've made it home. Godspeed to all of you in your new lives and I do hope that I will see all of you when Voyager two is commissioned. Janeway out." The screen quickly faded away and people applauded but held their tongues not knowing what to think next. So I took a deep breath and ended the confusion.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen the woman you've been waiting for, your Captain, Kathryn Janeway." Everyone turned to face the stairs. And what I saw left me as breathless as the many people there. She was mesmerizing I wanted to remember this day forever, she means so much to me she's like a daughter. I wanted to hug her and say welcome home sweetheart, welcome home.  
  
"Relax ladies and gentlemen. I May be a Captain but I am a woman none the less." Soft laughter came from the attendants but still they were as frozen as I was. She almost glided down the stairs like it was magic. When she had reached the bottom of the stairs she must of noticed her crew and their family watching her. She spread her arms out in a welcoming manner and gave one of those special smiles.  
  
"Let the Gala continue." Everyone clapped as if she deserved it. Which she greatly did, seeing as how she had the number of crew members she did, she ship was still intact and she had in a way completed her mission and done more than many people hope to do in their lifetime in seven years. She deserved more than applause but being the simple human beings we are we can only give some much and only hope to grasp the concept of the woman that is Kathryn Janeway. I sigh; she's everything a parent or a mentor could hope for. And I hope that my newest granddaughter is a little bit of everyone on that crew. All of them, my Tom his wife their friends their Captain. The people on that crew were stronger than Starfleet will give them credit for. I clear my head and proudly ask for her first dance.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
I extend my hand and hold my head up high. I clear my throat and ask her what I've been wanting to say for a long time.  
  
"Seven, would you care to dance?" And for the first time I see a smile, not an empty practice or a meaningless one. A real one that warms me, one night can change everything.  
  
"I would love to doctor." I took her hand and lead her to the dance floor. I whispered into her ear.  
  
"I'm glad we got to lesson 28."  
  
"As am I doctor, that lesson was more relevant that I would have thought."  
  
"Why is that seven?"  
  
"I can now say that my first dance was with you." I watched the fearless Seven of Nine blush.  
  
"So can I." We danced for the longest time, to even more song until the Commander cut in for a farewell dance. He had said the weirdest thing. Something about his last dance before he was an engaged man. Seven seemed to understand but the Commander still has me guessing.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
I see him dancing with her. I suppose he hasn't told her yet I don't see a ring, that and knowing Chakotay the whole crew would have to hear it. How embarrassing it will be for her when he does that. I sigh, I have to find someone to dance with I have been with every male member of the crew except for Chakotay and the Doctor. The doctor was busy with Seven so I kept away from that idea until now. He must have been trying to make the night as best he could before Chakotay and his wonderful proposal speech swept her up. Lucky, I moan under my breath, lucky. I approach the Doctor and ask him to dance. I hate to say it but the Doctor is as charming and debonair as he claims to be when he tries. He took my mind of my troubles. And for a while I just wanted to rest my head on his chest and cry knowing that he would feel the same way. But I was holding on and doing fine until he brought it up, leave it to the doctor to interrupt the best of my moments.  
  
"Captain you are a beautiful dancer, I would have never guessed." I blush, it's a wonder my crew knows I'm a woman considering the way they sometimes speak of me, like when I had come down the stairs this night, and of all times to question my sex, the Gala? Owen stated that it was because I looked so beautiful to night, but I was never one to flatter myself and I never will. Yes I admit I'm a narcissist at times, okay all the time but only because I never think I look good enough. Chakotay once told me that he called me a narcissist because I stood in front of the mirror all the time for no reason what so ever and I still don't believe him. I'm best at finding my faults the only thing good I can find in my life is him but now that's gone to. 'Stop it' I mentally chastised myself 'stop thinking about him'.  
  
"Captain would you mind if I asked you something?" I smile.  
  
"No, not at all."  
  
"Well while Seven and I were dancing the Commander cut in saying something about his last dance before being an engaged man? Do you happen to understand this?" You had to say it Doctor, the two names that I never want to here in a sentence together again. I close my eyes as I blink back the tears.  
  
"He's planning to purpose to Seven tonight I'm guessing right before the last dance of the Gala." The Doctor looked like he was going to laugh. Only he would laugh at my misfortunes. But then again maybe I would if I was in someone else's place, wouldn't I?  
  
(=/\=)  
  
I think I finally understand the 'inside joke' that Seven and the Commander had had. It seems that she wasn't the only one to notice that they were in the wrong persons arms but it seems that the poor Captain is the last to know, as usual. I can see how miserable she feels. What he's done to her tonight was a bit cruel but the reward is a great one. I hold her close insuring her that she is safe for these last few minutes of hell that she will endure then the years of happiness that will quickly overshadow this grim month and this grim Gala, maybe not grim for the other attendants but I can bet that she is as sure as she'll ever be at this moment that this has to be one of the worst days in her life. But tomorrow it will be remembered as the best ay of her life. But as I look at the clock I see it strike midnight, I take back what I said. Yesterday will be one of the worst days of her life but today will be just the opposite. Again I hold the blinded by love Captain as she goes through her last minutes of hell.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
I find myself on the stage. Were I am calling for everyone's attention. I'm going to need it if I am to have any confidence. I stare out into the crowd and I see only five faces that know of what's to come. I watch as Kathryn takes her place by Seven as if she was a mother giving her daughters hand. I want to laugh tell her that she has it all wrong but why spoil the fun. To tell the truth it has been far from fun. Now that I'm not with Seven I can feel Kathryn easier. What she's thinking what she's feeling all of it came back after I talked to Seven a few hours ago. I don't enjoy toying with Kathryn's emotions in that way because I can feel her pain sometimes even more than her.  
  
"After seven years of a journey I do believe that I of all people deserve a souvenir. Not memories but one that you can touch feel and hold." The crew let our howls of laughter at the true but funny joke.  
  
"But when I think about it it's really her of all people that deserves that souvenir. So what better than to give her two, one is myself, yes I know I'm that handsome but can you handle it?" Again the crew burst into laughter.  
  
"But seriously, I wish to give her the physical key to my heart, even if she has had it for all this time." Aww's came from the crew as they were warmed by the words. I flip out my black box.  
  
"Along time ago I lost half of my soul, and who would of known that I would have found it again on this seven year journey." I watch as the Doctor slips behind Seven carefully removing her so that Kathryn doesn't notice. I head down the stairs in her direction. As people notice that Seven is gone they cheer. Wow I didn't know they were so against the two of us. And I get to watch to priceless look on Kathryn's face as she looks for Seven and she isn't there. The sheer confusion that was shown on her face, God it was priceless.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
Seven's big moment is here. I take a deep breath and readjust my shawl and wait. I have to say though part of me is really going to enjoy giving Seven away engagement wise. Seven deserved someone who could take good care of her someone to make her feel special. Chakotay had done all of that for me. He's got his eyes locked on me so I smile, acknowledging him and wait from him to come down the stairs. If you ask me he's coming a little two slow for my taste. I mean all he has to do is come down and give her the damn ring. But again he's Chakotay and that would all too easy for him and all too normal. God he won't stop looking at me. His dimple smile and his dark eyes, damn them to hell. I feel like running to him but I can't because this is Seven's night. I blink my eyes a few times only to find him a lot closer than he should have been at the pace he kept up before. I turn my head to look at Seven to see if she's prepared, because I know I'm not. I don't think I can do this… is there anyone I can hide behind. But as I look for shelter and Seven I see no one, at least not with in a couple of meters. I'm ready to call out for Seven. I got scared and eventually I did.  
  
"Seven?" I whispered loudly. Chakotay smiled and laughed softly. He then shook his head.  
  
"No, Kathryn." He didn't speak but I could read his lips. Again I call out.  
  
"Seven?" Bo he didn't say Kathryn. You know you're really good at making things look the way you want them to look. I stand there and wait for this cruel dream to end. This dream was unforgiving what had I done to deserved to be played with like this. I think it's almost a punishment. It will feel real and I'll enjoy the moment until a few seconds after when it's Seven wearing the ring. Kathryn you need to stop, you're bitter. I'm not bitter! I fight with myself seeing as how I have nothing to do at this moment.  
  
(=/\=)  
  
Chakotay took a knee right in front of the Captain. He slowly opened the box and took a deep breath.  
  
"I know I might be a little late, but none the less I'm here." He reached out and placed her hand in his.  
  
"Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway, You've been the other half of my soul for seven years, you've been there for me more than I have ever been there for you. You're the only one that can truly make me smile and make me happy. It took me along time to figure this out but now I think I have it, Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway, love of my life. Will you marry me?" Kathryn down at him with shameless tears forming in her eyes. She let them fall as she gave her answer.  
  
"I don't think I could ever say no." He slid the ring up her finger and kissed her hand.  
  
He stood and watched her eyes. It was funny how everything she wished to say everything she felt everything she was, it was all in her eyes. They spoke more than words and that's all that Chakotay had wanted. He pulled her close and whispered the three magic words.  
  
"I love you. I have for a long time."  
  
"So have I, I love you too." Once the claps subsided someone had gotten everyone's attention on stage. It was Harry, how unusual.  
  
"Well this next song is a waltz and I can honestly say that the only one onboard that knows how to waltz is the one and only Captain Janeway." He cheeks burned from the blush. Chakotay came up to her and asked her to dance.  
  
"You know how to waltz?" He shook his head.  
  
"No but I'm a quick learner." She smiled coyly.  
  
"Then I'll lead."  
  
"I wouldn't have it any other way."  
  
Fin  
  
R&R 


End file.
